Thoughts of a Hormonal Teenage Vampire
by Annabel Leeah
Summary: The Marauders. Lily. Vampires. Explosions. Kisses. 'Nuff said.


**This is just a companion oneshot to The Silver Dagger, so, yeah, James is a vampire. Takes place after their field trip, but it's not the real sequel, just a plot bunny that's been bugging me. I ****promise**** I'll update on everything soon, I've been in Argentina and catching up on schoolwork takes time! Also, I may be doing another Doctor Who fic soon. I won't say anything other then it involves the Twelfth incarnation and Jack as a dog. Enjoy!**

Two weeks.

Two. Whole. Weeks.

That is, two weeks of being trapped inside this bloody castle, waiting to perish horribly, all because of the stupid weather patterns of northern England.

I. Am. Going. To. Explode.

One would think that these sad revelations are merely the results of my far-too-temperamental predatory instincts, as my level-headed lycanthropic friend pointed out, but he was sorely mistaken. Explosion will occur soon and when it does, I think I'd like to be cremated. It seems less depressing than lying in a hole for all eternity.

Why on earth rain would make me explode may be a puzzling concept, but it's not the rain. It's actually the fact that I need a certain amount of physical activity every day in order to burn the huge amounts of energy that my body seems to produce. Normally, Quidditch practice serves as a delightful outlet for my apparent manic disorder but the evil, evil exploits of the heavens have ruined my only release. Ergo, cabin fever appears to have taken hold of my already hormone-stuffed brain and I am now a ticking time bomb.

My so-called best friend was shockingly unsympathetic about my plight. Maybe because I had already hit him 'round the head three times in one evening.

As Padfoot massaged his unsurprisingly hard head, he started ranting about the negative consequences of indulging in violence during the tender years of my youth.

"You know what this is, Prongs? Abuse, that's what! You can't just go around conking innocent people on the heads just because you feel cranky! They put people like that in Azkaban!"

Wormtail seemed to think that the best course of action was to distract me with non-scintillating conversation.

"So, how did you do on the Transfiguration test? I think I did fine, but I had know the definition of Color-Change Charms and I think I messed it up..."

Moony was just sitting through all of this, cool as you please, wearing his I-think-you're-overreacting-and-stop-being-such-a-drama-queen expression. I could tell he would start lecturing me about the virtues of meditation or some other crap as soon as Tweedledum and Tweedledumber shut up.

"...definition of Switching Spells..."

"...locked up for the rest of your life!"

Urge to kill rising...must...control...instinct...

At this point, Remus opened his mouth, but I was way ahead of him and cut Sirius off. "For the record, you mutt, I didn't even hit you that hard. If I had, you would know, because your skull would be crushed and your brains liquefied. _If _you have any. Second, you should really keep from pissing me off at this state. I may decide that you are too much of an annoyance to keep around and give in to the images currently playing in my mind."

Sirius snorted. "Like you would ever have the guts to eat me. Nice joke." He blinked and suddenly looked disconcerted. "Wait...you _were _joking...right?"

"I don't eat junk food," I muttered.

I had explained to the teachers and Dumbledore about my change in dietary needs. They were sympathetic, of course, which I didn't really need, but Dumbledore somehow managed to make a deal with St. Mungo's in order to provide blood bags. However, it's apparently impossible to get them in such severe weather-so, I've dropped like twenty pounds in the last few weeks because of lack of nutrients. Of course, vampires can last months without eating, but it sure didn't improve my mood anyway.

"He never said he would eat you, Padfoot. Just hurt you," Remus interjected. He probably said something else, but at the moment I wasn't listening, because Lily Evans was walking towards us.

Okay, before Sirius gives you any ideas, I am _not _whipped. I don't stalk her, or anything, and no, I do not melt just because she speaks to me. Actually, in the beginning of the year I got really sick of her acting so high-and-mighty and finding creative ways to effectively punish me for existing, and I told her exactly what I thought of her. (Actually, I kind of shouted at her, using a lot of language that I could get in huge trouble for writing in hear. What? My dad's an Auror and has a reputation for getting into dirty situations. We're not exactly the most proper household.) She got off her high horse pretty quickly after that. And yes, I do like her...just not, you know, _obsessively. _

At the moment, she looked pretty mad, and I was in no mood to deal with anything other then my upcoming death.

"Potter!" she snapped when she reached us. I think she was trying to look intimidating, but Lily's only five foot two and pretty weak, not to mention complete rubbish at looking scary. I'm six foot four and extremely adept at giving dirty looks. It's one of the skills you need to master when you live with Sirius Black.

"What now, Evans? Did Mt. Vesuvius erupt? Aliens take over the world? Apocalypse occur?"

"Oh no!" Sirius shrieked, clearly seeing his cue. "It's the end! _The end! _Earthquakes! Tornados! Cats and dogs living together! I can't take the shock! I...I see the light..." At this point he clutched his heart dramatically and made a choking noise. "Tell my mother..." he whispered, "I loathed her..." Falling off his chair, he twitched and gasped for a few seconds while we roared with laughter and Lily tried not to smile.

"No, the world isn't ending," she said. "But we need to talk, Potter. Meet me in the common room at eight?" Without waiting for an answer she swept out of the library.

"What was that about?" Sirius asked, miraculously restored to full health.

"Dunno," I said dully. My pounding headache was returning. "Tutoring stuff, probably." I could use the time to warn Lily of my upcoming demise. She'll probably go to my funeral, even if just to be polite.

Lily was sitting on the couch nearest to the window when I entered. She looked up and smiled kind of nervously. "Um, hi."

I frowned. "Hey. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Need help in Transfiguration?"

She blushed. "N-no", she stammered. "I just wanted to ask you some questions about...stuff."

I raised one eyebrow. Okay, I was being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition. "No need to sound so nervous. I don't bite." And yes, that's another one of Sirius's vampire jokes. No shame.

Lily looked even more nervous then before. She took a deep breath and started talking. "It's just that you've been acting really _strange _for a while. You're always up way too late at night, even for a Marauder, and you never really smile after sunset, even at the party we had for the first Quidditch victory of the season-excellent job, by the way-and odd things just seem to-to _happen _around you! Like a week ago, at Care of Magical Creatures, when we were studying those raven things (I think they're called Neverbirds), Professor Kettleburn said that they were often used as messengers during battle by a race called _Deamondas_, but the creepy thing is that they were_ staring right at you! _And I walked in on you on the couch once, while you were asleep, and I could have sworn I heard you _purring_-"

At this I couldn't stay silent any longer. _Purring?_

"Excuse me?" I said indignantly. "Do I _look _like a cat to you?"

She ignored me. "The _point _is, I looked up what a Deamonda was and it turns out that it's Latin or something for _vampire! _So I checked out some vampire guides and all the odd things you do seem to match up-"

I wasn't really listening at that point, mainly because my heart had stopped at the mention of the "v" word and I was pretty sure the only thing keeping me upright was the couch. This had to be some sort of joke. No way had she found my secret.

"I guess what I'm really trying to ask is...are you a vampire?"

Okay. Maybe there's some chance she found my secret.

I guess I must have said yes, because the next thing I knew, Lily was halfway across the room holding a cross and looking half curious and half terrified.

I raised my eyebrows. "A cross? Seriously? What, you've been watching old vampire movies?"

She lowered her cross looking sheepish. "Should've known that wouldn't work. So, if I'm going to slay you, no holy water?"

I shrugged. "You can always bring some to purify your mortal soul for the deed, or something. Am I really that annoying?"

Lily grinned. "Sometimes-but I won't slay you if you promise not to eat me. And answer my questions.'

"Yes to the second promise, no to the first. I'm hungry. But you can ask the questions first."

She rolled her eyes and sat back down. "I really want to know which "facts" about vampires are myths and which are real. So, religion is a myth. What about garlic?"

"Absolutely deadly. There's some kind of chemical in it that we're allergic to. But it never works unless I ingest it-and I can smell it a mile away."

She blinked. "Remind me never to serve you Italian food. How do you keep from burning up in the sun?"

"Another myth. The sun causes all life on earth, it can't destroy it. I just prefer the dark-as in, nocturnal." I leaned back and smirked. Lily was taking all this even better then Sirius and Remus had-I knew there was something I liked about this girl.

She smiled. "Okay, but what about the whole stake-through-the-heart thing? That can't be a myth."

I snorted. "Yep, last time I checked, driving some sharp hunk of wood through my chest will do me in. Pretty fatal-but then again, you wouldn't exactly come out smiling either."

"So you're not immortal? Or undead?"

"Nothing's _immortal_, Lily. There are a lot of things out there that would kill a human that I could survive-tiger attack, cancer, falling off a fifty-story building, whatever. And my lifespan will probably be a lot longer then yours. But I certainly won't live forever, and there are still things that can kill me."

She gave me an innocent look. "Oh really? Like what?"

I frowned. "Don't get any ideas."

"I can't believe that you would actually accuse me of something so cruel!"

"Oh, you can be cruel, alright. Er, lets see-decapitation, or other kinds of serious damage to the brain, serious damage to the heart, removal of the lungs, ingesting enough garlic juice, enough blood loss (though I'd need to lose lot more blood then a human), _avada kedarva, _certain poisons, certain sicknesses, going long enough without oxygen (again, longer then a human), falling into a pit of acid-"

"I get it!" She interrupted. "You can die. But you're not already dead, are you?"

I laughed. "I honestly don't know how _that _one got around. I assure you, I am completely alive."

"Oh." She suddenly looked nervous. "And do you really-well, you know-"

"Drink blood?" I finished. She nodded.

"Unfortunately, yes. Completely safe, donated blood bags, and sometimes I hunt animals, but I've never _killed _anything. Not even a squirrel. Padfoot, on the other hand-"

She laughed. "Do you look different as a vampire? I mean, do you have fangs?'

I winced. "Fangs, claws, creepy eyes-yes, and they cause a lot of trouble sometimes."

"Your eyes change color?"

"And glow in the dark. Disconcerting, but good for freaking Sirius out."

"Wow." Lily stared at me for second, then took a deep breath. "D'you think I could see that? I've kind of always wanted to meet a vampire." She blushed.

I smirked. "Okay but don't say I didn't warn you."

In case your wondering, it's not difficult to turn into a vampire. Oh no. The _difficult_ part, of course, is changing _back._

Lily's jaw dropped. "Whoa," She breathed, staring into my now-gold eyes. "There like a cat's, or some gem-pretty, but not _human._"

I sighed. "I know. I'm a freak."

"No you're not. Don't even say that. Besides, I think it's cool. Now, smile."

I complied, showing off my fangs. She shivered. "_That's _creepy. But you do really look like one of those Victorian vampires. Aristocratic."

My cheeks were burning at that point. "Um, thanks,"

"Well, it's true." Lily's cheeks looked red too.

I stood up. "It's getting kind of late-the others will be wondering what happened to us."

"Right." Lily looked at the floor for a second. "Well, goodnight."

"Don't let the vampires bite," I added, heading for the boy's dormitories.

"James?" I stopped.

I can't tell you exactly what happened next, because to be honest, I'm not really sure. All I know is that Lily's lips were suddenly pressed against my own.

She smiled. "Oh, I don't think they'd dare."

Of course, as soon as Lily disappeared into her dormitory (Leaving me standing there like a stunned puppy, I'm embarrassed to admit), Sirius and Remus jumped out of the wardrobe.

"Well, look what we have here!" Sirius sang. "Lily and James, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-"

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"You have to admit, Prongs, that was pretty funny," Remus said, looking amused. He put on a high-pitched voice. "Oh no James, you're eyes are _pretty-"_

"I can't believe she brought up the purring," Sirius interjected. "I've been wanting to ask you about that."

"I don't _purr,_" I growled.

"Then what do call that noise you make when you're asleep?"

"Gotcha there, mate," Remus laughed as I started to sputter.

"And of course she's one of those vampire chick flick fans," Sirius mused. "I mean, why else would she work so hard to find out what you are and then kiss you if she isn't hoping for one of those disgustingly romantic scenes where the guy bites the girl then tells her he loves her? It's not like you've really got anything else working for you-"

At this point, Sirius had stopped speaking, mainly because I had lunged for him and pinned him to floor. In two seconds it turned into a full-scale three-way fight.

Yeah, I'm probably going to explode soon. But who knows? Lily may calm me down enough to save my life.

Of course, with friends like mine, that's pretty unlikely.


End file.
